Susan G. Komen Race For the Cure 2008

A beautiful day spent with beautiful people. Thank you :)

Almost There

Halloween is tomorrow and marks 4 1/2 weeks of radiation treatment. Linda's radio oncologist calls her the poster child for radiation. Other than a general 'tan' in the affected areas, there is no tissue damage. No blisters or burns. No pain!

Only 2 more weeks to go and then that's it. Nothing else to do. No more treatments. I'm sure, after spending the past year actively fighting cancer, it will seem strange doing nothing. Unlike the majority of breast cancers (which are ER+ and/or PR+), triple negative breast cancers (ER-,PR-, Her2-) do not have any long term targeted therapies. It really is just wait and see. No Tamoxifen, no Aromasin, no Herceptin. Although there may not be any active treatment alternatives, there are plenty of passive treatments which include eating right, exercise and most importantly, just living life to the fullest.

This photo was taken last Halloween at our annual street Halloween party. That is pretty much how I looked from 1983 to 1992...not much of a stretch for me :)

What's strange to me is looking at us, 1 month or so before our diagnosis, and not having a clue what lay ahead of us. How our life could change from one day to the next. It is also weird to know that Linda had cancer in the photo (hey...quit staring at my wife's boobs!).

When you're young...you're invincible! When you're pushing 40...err...not so much. When your life is turned upside-down by cancer, everything takes on a 'temporary' feel, and I don't mean that in a bad way. That whole 'stop and smell the roses' nonsense begins to make sense. No, I'm not about to put up a motivational poster in my office, but I do find myself spending more time with the kids, more time cuddled up with Linda watching TV, and more time trying things I wouldn't usually do. How can that be a bad thing?

So tomorrow we will have the 2008 edition of our Halloween party, the kids will run amok in the neighborhood, the parents will enjoy a potluck dinner and we will all have a great time. Life is good.

Happy Halloween!

Race for the Cure

The whole family has signed up for the Race For The Cure 5K. Linda, myself and the kids will be hitting the streets on Sunday Nov 2nd to help raise money and awareness. We will be running for her local breast cancer support group team. If you'd like to sponsor us, shoot me an email at:

breast.cancer.sux@gmail.com

and I'll let you know how you can. It should prove to be a great day as we give back to the community and friends that have supported us over the past year.

Think Pink!

Getting our groove back

With less than 5 weeks left in Linda's treatment, things are going very well. Still some tingling in her hands and feet, some general muscle aches, some redness around the irradiated areas and she has some difficulty getting to sleep. Aside from that, our day to day routine is just that...routine. Work, kids, school, cub scouts, football, camping, Halloween decorations...ahhh the beauty of routine. You really don't miss it until it is gone.

Unlike my hometown, where camping is restricted to 3 months of the year, Texas offers camping 12 months of the year (although it is really too hot to enjoy camping in July & August). In years past, we have camped up to 22 times in a year, almost every other weekend. It is our family time free from life's distractions. Our youngest was camping at 6 weeks old. Camping is definitely our thing. The past year has only given us 1 opportunity and that was even limited because Linda had just finished her first chemo cycle. We booked camping for this weekend and I can't be more excited. Cool nights, campfires, hikes, smores and a cold beer for Dad. Oh yeah!

One thing I've learned over the past year is to not take my health for granted. I've been lucky (genetically or otherwise) this far, but I'm sure the next 40 years will be tougher than the last 40 years. So midway through Linda's treatment I started training. Training for what? Nothing in particular, just to be fit. It is my job, after all is said and done, to take care of my family. I can't do that if I can't take care of myself. 1 hour/day, 5 days/week is not that much but makes a huge difference to my mental and physical well-being. When Linda resumes her running, it'll be one more thing we can share and that's always a good thing.

An important change in me, at least psychologically, is the ability to concentrate at work once again. It is not there 100% yet, but at least I am not a zombie anymore, and as our company achieves more successes, I can feel the energy coming back. I have been blessed with a truly unique company and in particular, an incredible CEO who understands that a company is not simply a collection of people, but really an extended family. My extended family. Our extended family. I am surrounded by the best friends and colleagues anyone could ask for and I owe them a debt of gratitude for their understanding and compassion over the past year. Y'all rock!

Root of all evil?

Very interesting article about leading edge research on cancer stem cells from The Economist.

http://www.economist.com/science/displaystory.cfm?story_id=12202589

"Cancer may be caused by stem cells gone bad. If that proves to be correct, it should revolutionize treatment"

Radiation update

Linda's radiation is going well. The turn around time from when she leaves the house to when she returns is about 30 minutes. The actually irradiation takes mere seconds. Sure beats the day-long visits to the infusion room.

The Xeloda is giving her some mild tingling in her hands and feet (a known side-effect). Adding low-dose Xeloda isn't a standard practice yet (although it is in clinical trials) but if we get the benefit without any serious side effects, it's a worthwhile venture. There are different phases of a cell's division and the phase in which DNA is transfered is called the "S phase". Xeloda extends the "S phase" which increases the chances that a radiation particle will damage the cell DNA, causing the cell to self-destruct.

Linda is upbeat and her hair is finally starting to come back in. She is starting to make plans for a cruise next fall to Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands. Making plans a year out is a great sign of her emotional recovery. Una cervesa por favor!

A typical atypical mole

A few months back, I suggested everyone go to their doctor and get their skin checked. Skin cancer is the most common form of cancer in the US. For once in my life, I decided to heed my own advice. I looked in my benefits package for the closest dermatologist and made an appointment. I think all my doctors have a last name that begins with A or B because they are the first ones in the list. I'm not too picky. I think most guys are like me. If I ever decide to become a doctor, I'm changing my name to Dr. Aaron Aardvark. That'll keep the patients rolling in.

The office happened to be just down the road from where I work and in a well-to-do neighborhood near the lake. I guess that's where dermatologists will find most of their revenue. At first I wondered if I had made a wise choice. It is my experience that a doctor's office usually has a wide assortment of health related pamphlets which adorn the waiting room tables and office walls. You know, the FAQ and self-diagnostic flyers for disease prevention etc. In this office, there wasn't a single skin cancer pamphlet. Not one. There were plenty of Botox(tm), Rejuviderm(tm) and skin bleaching promotional materials, but nothing 'health' related. I found that odd. They already had my $15 copay, so might as well go through with it right?

For the first time in my life, I was older than the doctor. My GP from when I grew up is still in practice in my hometown and is 75. He is older than my parents and they still go to him. I guess it's the 'older and wiser' thing that gives me some comfort. I guess that's just a symptom of getting older. Every second of every day, there are more people younger than you and less people older than you. Don't get me wrong, he's a good doctor, it's just my own personal hangup about being examined by Dr. Doogie Howser. And another thing. These days, I understand that when women go to see a male doctor, a female assistant/nurse is usually present in the room. So when a guy goes to see a guy doctor, is the assistant/nurse thing a common occurrence? I don't think that my doctor subscribed to the same 'lifestyle' that the real Doogie Howser did, so I'm not quite sure why the 20 something year old female nurse was in the room, but there she was. And there I was in my underwear.

As I was seated in the chair, the doctor started on my arm and worked his way around my upper body and head. He methodically dictated where the moles were and what they looked like. The nurse dutifully typed them into the laptop as he went. Then he asked me to stand-up so he could check my 'legs and buttocks'. My mind immediately raced to the morning's decision to put on any old pair of underwear. If I had known that a young nurse would be in the room with us, I'd have chosen some newer underwear with some elasticity to prop up my assets. But to my disappointment (and maybe her's too...who knows), I had chosen some war-torn pair out of the top drawer. I'm sure, as a guy, I had previously played this scenario out in my mind a few thousand times (Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought it'd happen to me but....), but never did the scene end with 'hmmm...this mole here looks kind of strange'.

So there I was, standing in the doctor's office, my butt-crack showing, my 'junk' sadly doing a wholelotta nothing, and a doctor and nurse staring at my back-side ready to freeze the mole, shave it off, and send it to a lab for a biopsy. What the fuck!!!

As a product of the 70s and 80s, I never heard the word sun-screen as a kid. I never wore sun-screen and in fact, I used sun-tan lotion and once cooking-oil (yes, cooking oil) to intensify the effects of the sun. Sounds completely crazy now but that's just what we did back then. I worked as a landscaper most summers with no protection and no shirt. My yearly cycle would be to have a good burn early in summer, let all the skin peel off, then my tan would get darker and darker as the summer went on. I am the offspring of 2 British parents, so how I ended up with such a dark complexion is beyond me. With my long teenage hair and dark skin, my brothers would call me Pocahontas. I never considered myself a risk for skin cancer.

The doctor said it was an atypical mole. I asked if it was a typical atypical mole. He started talking about the ABCDs of melanoma and what to look for.

A = Asymmetry - mole is not symmetrical
B = Border - mole does not have a well-defined border
C = Color - mole has more than 1 color
D = Diameter - mole is bigger than 6mm

Mine was ABC but not D. It doesn't necessarily mean melanoma, but these things can lead to melanoma. After a long 7 days, the biopsy results were back. No cancer, no melanoma, just a mildly atypical mole (on a scale of mild, moderate and severe). He said "It's gone now, no risk, nothing else to do, just come and see me in a year". Whew!

We live in Texas and my kids are covered from head-to-toe when they go out. It just seems the sun is getting hotter and hotter and more dangerous. I'll get a mild burn after about 15 minutes. We aren't messing around.

So I urge you again, go get your skin checked out. You just never know. When I show up at my appointment next year however, I'm wearing a thong and doing some dumbbell curls in the parking lot!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Linda's port was removed last Friday. Woohoo! In the cancer community, this is a graduation of sorts and quite an achievement. It's nice not to have that reminder there.

To celebrate 'Breast Cancer Awareness Month', Linda starts radiation therapy today. She was tattooed on Monday with permanent marker. She also took her first low-dose of Xeloda this morning. This will continue for the next 6 1/2 weeks. Let's hope she tolerates it well. She's been itching to get back to running but unfortunately, in order to keep the radiation alignment in check, she can't lose any weight for the next month and a half. I have no doubt she'll be running the San Antonio Rock n Roll marathon next year!

Is this normal?

We celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary yesterday. What a fantastically normal day. I took the day off work, we had breakfast @ Rudy's, went and caught an early afternoon showing of 'The Pineapple Express' (very funny flick), we did some some shopping, got home to get the kids off the bus, cooked up some chicken on the grill, helped the kids with their homework, took my son to his first Boy Scout pack meeting, got 'em home, put them to bed and fell asleep watching Nova.

Honestly, on Dec 13th 2007, I wasn't even sure if we'd see 13 years. I was in complete shock and I had no idea what the 'C-word' meant. Months? Years? Not a clue. What I can say is that I can truly appreciate a normal day, and how blessed I feel to have the opportunity to do all those things. Carpe Diem.

The Home Stretch

We met with Dr H. on Tuesday to go over the results of the PET scan and brain MRI in person. Again, all clear! There was some minor uptake around the area of the original tumor in the left breast, but that is most likely cells actively healing the site of the lumpectomy. Nothing to worry about but something we will keep an eye on of course.

Next up is radiation therapy. Studies have proven that radiation significantly decreases the odds of re-occurrence. If the original chemo was the cake and secondary chemo was the frosting, then the radiation is the sprinkles. Who likes cake without sprinkles anyways? The radiation regimen consists of targeting the lymph nodes as well as the site of the original tumor. It is administered 5 days a week for 6 1/2 weeks. That's about 33 half-hour visits to the radio-oncologist over the next month and a half. Luckily, Texas Oncology has an office only minutes from home so the commute won't be too bad (we used their downtown office for chemo as that is where Dr H. has her practice). I suspect I'll have a battle with the insurance on this one. Our insurance considers radiation therapy a 'procedure', which has a $0 copay whereas the provider considers it an 'office visit', which has a $15. $15 isn't bad at all, but when you have 33 visits, $15 x 33 = $465, and that's easily worth a trip to Vegas for the weekend. Does anyone out there have a similar experience with radiation, insurance companies, and co-pays?

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure", or so goes Dr H's aggressive treatment philosophy. Instead of straight-up radiation, Linda will be concurrently taking a very low dose of Xeloda (a chemotherapy) during radiation. This chemo (hopefully side-effect free) will extra-sensitize the targeted cells. Radiation typically damages the DNA of a cell during cell division. Cells are 'programmed' to kill themselves if the DNA is damaged during mitosis. That is natures mechanism to prevent unwanted cell mutation. There is only a very specific window during cell division when the radiation particle can damage the DNA. The role of Xeloda during radiation is to extend that window so there is more opportunity for the radiation particles to do their dirty work. At least this is my understanding from a 15 minute discussion with Dr H. The Xeloda is taken in pill form the day of the treatment so there are no more infusions, and if the Xeloda has undesired side-effects, Linda can simply stop taking it and continue on with radiation therapy as usual.

More good news...Linda is scheduled to have her 'port' removed next week. It is not a big operation but it is surely a nice milestone to achieve. It's been a long time coming!

Blue Skies and Sunshine

While hurricane Ike pounds our Texas coast, our family has been blessed with Blue Skies and Sunshine!

Official word came from Linda's oncologist @ 4:02pm.

Brain MRI - CLEAR
PET scan - CLEAR

The cancer has not spread and is, in fact, gone!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

I'm going to go celebrate with the center of my universe!

John

Karma

I've talked in the past about my opinion that there is a reason or explanation for everything. Today, the day of Linda's PET scan, something happened to me that I cannot explain. To understand it in context, I have to step back to just over 9 months ago.

A couple days before Linda's diagnosis, she was going about her usual pre-Christmas shop-a-thon. This day, she was at Target picking up some gifts for the kids. For one of his big 'Mommy & Daddy' presents, our son had asked for this huge Tri-Clops remote controlled car (it's pretty cool). If memory serves me correctly, it was about $100. She found one, threw it in the basket with the rest of the yuletide goodies and headed for the checkout. During checkout, one of the items rang up an error and because the error was on the screen, the next 5 or 6 items that were dragged over the scanner didn't register, including the Tri-Clops. Linda pointed out to the cashier that there was an error and after realizing her mistake, she pulled back the items that went through unscanned and rescanned them...except for the Tri-Clops. As Linda loaded the day's booty into back of the car, she thought to herself that the 'Total' was a little light. Sure enough, after checking her receipt, it became apparent that the cashier had missed the Tri-Clops. So here sat Linda in the Target parking lot with a choice. Go home with a 'free' Tri-Clops or return to the store to pay for it. Now before you cast stones, think of everytime your waiter has missed something off your bill (hey...he forgot to charge us for the coffee...cool). Did you bring it to their attention? Or when the shorts you bought at Walmart rang up at less than the advertised price. Did you point that out to the cashier? If you have, then you are a better person than I. Needless to say, Linda decided go home with a 'free' Tri-Clops. Several days later, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Were the 2 events related? Who knows? We often joke to our friend, who is a pharmacist at Target, that Target gave us cancer. It has become neighborhood folklore. Over the past 9 months, all of our friends have told us of recently being in a similar situation, recalling that Target gave Linda cancer, and then deciding to do the 'right' thing. It's kind of funny, but it does get you thinking...is there such a thing. Do good things happen to good people (or visa versa)? Does what goes around, come around? Is there a universal balance of good and bad?

So what does that have to do with Linda's PET scan today? Everything!

Linda was done her scans by 1pm. I had planned to meet her for lunch but she was literally still radioactive from the isotope injections and barium smoothie she drank. We thought it prudent not to go out in public for lunch. Instead, we'd make some tacos at home. I stopped of at HEB to pick up some lettuce, tomatoes, taco mix and such as well as some potted mums (one of Linda's favorite flowers) for my Honey. At 2pm, the grocery store is pretty quiet so I was in and out. As I loaded everything into the car, I thought something's strange...that wasn't the right total. Lo and behold, the mums didn't ring up. It was an instant of clarity in a 9-month long haze. You've got to be kidding me? On Linda's PET scan day? Is this a test? I can't explain it and won't even try to. It just happened because it was meant to be, no reason needed. I'll let you figure out what I did with those mums.

Tomorrow will be a sunny day!

Faith

Diagnosis, fear, anger, love, depression, chemotherapy, anticipation, optimism, isolation, uncertainty, surgery, pain, sympathy, grief, compassion, more chemotherapy, and hope.

It has taken a long 9 months of active treatment to get to this point. Tomorrow is a huge day. I can't even begin to express the feelings I am having. As much as I have been building tomorrow in my mind, it will be anti-climactic as we won't get the results until Friday (at the earliest) or next Tuesday (at the latest). At some point between now and then, we'll learn if we have been able to keep the cancer out of the rest of Linda's body. I'm trying to think of something insightful to say, but I can't. For once, I am at a loss for words.

Thank you to all the people who have sent prayers, positive vibes and/or good will. I may not have a traditional belief system, but I do have faith. I have faith in humanity. I have faith in friends and family. I have faith in Linda. I have faith that good things happen to good people. We have done everything we can and I have faith that tomorrow will be a sunny day.

You go girl!

Linda attended her support group this week (for young breast cancer survivors) and was saddened to find out her friend, who is a stage IV survivor, discovered brain lesions after noticing some facial numbness. After further discussion with her group, it was revealed that IF triple negative (ER-, PR-, HER2-) breast cancers spread, they statistically tend to metastasize in the brain.

The next day, Linda was at the oncologist's office demanding a brain scan as part of next week's lab work. A PET scan covers the body from the neck down and does not include the head. A separate scan is needed for the head and not typically done unless symptoms exist. Linda left the office with an order for a brain scan on the same day as her PET scan (September 11).

Firstly, I'm glad Linda is back with her group. I can notice a positive change in her demeanor when she attends these meetings. Over the past few months they have occurred during her low cycle and she was unable to attend. She was on her feet for this one and it sure made a difference. Secondly, I am extremely proud of her for taking control of her treatment. She was not taking NO for an answer and was not leaving that office without a brain scan order. Slowly but surely I'm getting my Linda back. You rock babe!

Linda's friend needs your help. Please send your prayers and positive thoughts her way and let's help her get through this difficult time. Thank you.

You booked your PET scan for what day?

September is a busy month around our household. In addition to new school year activities, both kids have their birthdays in September (Linda is usually in a very festive spirit around Christmas, I'll let you do the math...LOL), and we celebrate our wedding anniversary (13 years) in September also. So that's 3 days out of the month that are off the table for appointments. That leaves 27 perfectly good days to schedule a PET scan. Sept 8th, great, Sept 14, that'd be perfect, Sept 15, fantastic. So when did Linda schedule her PET scan?.....9/11. Uhhhg!

So...for us, September 11th will no longer be a day of sadness but we plan for a day of celebration. The 1st annual 'Clear PET Scan' day.

Advice needed: Preparing for a PET scan

Linda finished her chemotherapy last Thursday and Labor Day presented us with a nice long weekend to recover. She was definitely exhausted all weekend but was able to putter around the house for a few hours at a time. The primary side effects are wearing off and hopefully by week's end, she'll be up and about for the whole day.

Our next major event will be a PET scan in about 3 weeks, prior to radiation therapy. Linda had CAT and bone scans prior to chemo but that was 9 months ago. Everything turned up clean then, and in all honesty, I didn't realize the implications of the test. This time however, I am all too aware of the importance of the PET scan results. Remember the 'longest 2 days of my life'? I'm pretty sure the wait for the PET results will top those 2 days. It is still weeks away and I am already stressed about it.

A question to anyone who can offer advice: How do you cope with the stress of it? More importantly, how can I help Linda cope with it?

Why are manhole covers round?

I have been blessed and cursed by an analytical mind. The way I see it, there is a solution to every problem and an explanation to every mystery. We may not see it (yet) but the answer is there. As long as I can remember, my mind has churned at solving real problems as well as trivial pursuits.

The simple task of walking from my home office upstairs to the kitchen downstairs to get something to eat typically involves several billion calculations. First, wait for a time when my computer is busy doing something, don't want to waste spare cycles. Wait a sec, my daughter's field trip authorization form is right here too, but I don't have a pen. Should take the paper with me to sign or should I bring a pen back from the kitchen. Hmmm...where is her backpack? She'll need this form in the morning...I think it is near the front door...what makes the most sense and where should I sign it to be the most efficient. I need a beer too. Import or domestic? That dictates whether it will have a twist off cap or not, which means I may need to think about a bottle opener. Oh I think I left that in the garage last time I was working on a game. Crap, that is way out the way...does my daughter's backpack have a bottle opener on it? That'd be great. I know they make Reef sandals with a bottle opener on the bottom. What a great invention. I wonder if they have a patent on that? Let's Google that, but before I do, let's see why imported beers don't have twist off tops. Is that a law, federal or state? Wonder who invented the twist off top? Remember pull tabs? Those were replaced with the pop-tops we have today. I wonder if you really can buy a wheelchair by collecting a garbage bag of aluminum pop-tops? Let's go hit Snopes.com and find out. Look at that, turns out Thomas Crapper did not invent the flush toilet after all. Funny, in London, manhole covers have the name CRAPPER right on them. How ironic. I wonder why manhole covers are round? Turns out that is the only shape that makes it impossible for the cover to fall down the hole. That's pretty cool. See, there is an answer to everything. Much to Linda's chagrin, my mind never seems to figure out how to incorporate "there is a basket full of laundry here at the bottom of the stairs, maybe I should take it upstairs" into my equations. There may not be an answer for that one...LOL.

If you have a brain wired like mine, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you don't, then you likely think I'm a bit crazy, and I'm not sure I can disagree. With that as the backdrop, I have been thinking a lot about cancer and 'why?'. Not 'why me?' or 'why us?' but 'why cancer?'. What role does cancer play in the big picture? I can't seem to wrap my head around it.

I can understand a virus. It is contagious, it moves from person to person, typically having a delayed onset of symptoms so that the current host is at least healthy long enough to spread the virus to the next host. I'm sure over that last billion years there have been virus variations that killed their host on contact. Guess what? Host 1 doesn't live long enough to spread to Host 2 and the virus doesn't get to spread its DNA (nature's prime directive). End of the line for that virus' lineage. Natural selection over millions of years makes sense. I can get my head around that.

So what about cancer? It is not a 'modern' disease. Although I'm sure pollutants and man-made environmental factors have increased the incidence of cancer and other disease, they are not the sole cause. Cancer predates man. It has been around for at least 100,000,000 years, as evidenced by recently discovered dinosaur fossils showing signs of cancerous bone tumors. I suspect it was around long before dinosaurs too. Unlike a virus or bacteria, cancer is not a foreign invader, it is home grown. It is our own cells and DNA gone awry. The Human Genome Project has mapped out our DNA and cancer researchers can point to certain genes and say, 'in some cases, this gene X suppresses cell activity Y but in cancer cells, this gene is defective and that, in combination with this protein over-expression Z yields a 34.7% chance of XYZ. That's very cool, but still doesn't explain the 'why'? Is it possible that cancer, like other genetic mutations, is simply part of natural selection and the evolutionary process? Some genetic mutations yield eyes on the front of the head for predators and eyes on the side of the head for prey, and natural selection dictates which traits go on to survive. That makes sense. Are those same genetic mutations responsible for cancer? Well, they've been there in some form for a long time so I have to assume they have some purpose. But what? I guess when we figure out the 'how' and 'why' we will have a cure. There is an answer and there is a cure, we just need to find it.

A Great Day

6 infusions of TAC .......... $48,000
12 infusions of EP .......... $96,000
days since first infusion.... 240
ringing the bell ............ priceless

Cancer, cancer everywhere

Okay, I'll admit I'm a bit obsessive/compulsive. Not the 'all shoes in the hall closet must be straight and parallel, separated by no more 2 inches but no less than 1.5' kind of OCD, but more of an intense focus. My obsessions ... errr ... interests have ranged from harmless to productive and most who know me know I usually have a 'hobby' going on. I've busied myself in the garage for the past 6 years (off and on) restoring old video games & pinball machines. Before that, I did geocaching for a couple years, and before that, photography for a year or two. Of course, Linda and the kids have BEEN my life for the past 15 years. My company and my passion for software has also received a good deal of my mind's focus. Although Linda would surely disagree, maybe I'm not all that obsessive/compulsive after all. Up until our diagnosis, it had been a healthy blend of family, professional growth, and solitary hobbies. (Don't get me started on email and Facebook)

Now, my life is consumed by cancer. Everywhere I look, cancer. Every time I think, cancer. I have a hard time remembering what life was like before our diagnosis 9 months ago. I'm sure I was happy about something, angry at someone, sad about something but these days it is all about cancer. I am happy Linda's chemo will be done on Thursday. I am pissed off that cancer stole the summer of 2008 from our kids, I am scared shitless about Linda's PET scan in 3 weeks, and I am sad because...well I am just sad. There are small moments in the day when I don't think about it, for maybe 5 minutes, but invariably the cancer creeps back into my thoughts. Even the exhilaration of plummeting 3-4 storeys down a water slide at Schlitterbahn is tainted by the fact that Linda couldn't come with us because she is extremely sensitive to sun during chemo. That's is OUR park and OUR tradition and the fucking cancer took that away from us. I haven't spent any time this summer in the garage tinkering with pins and my ability to concentrate at work has been haphazard at best. I try my best to keep the big 'what if' thoughts out of my head, but on bad days, they eat me from the inside. I'm sure a psychologist would say these are normal reactions and blah blah blah blah, and I'm sure they are, but that doesn't make them any easier to deal with. True to my OCD tendencies, my life has become cancer.

You know when you buy a new car and as you're driving home from the dealership, all of a sudden, it seems EVERYONE has the same car. It's kinda like that with cancer. It seems every week I learn of someone else whose fighting cancer. My best-man's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer weeks after our diagnosis. A dear friend, who I have a great deal of respect and affection for, was diagnosed with cancer a couple weeks ago. A blog friend's sister was diagnosed with breast cancer last month, and just this morning, a friend from high school related to me that a member of his extended family was diagnosed with breast cancer. It is a club that turns out to be not very exclusive at all. My immediate and extended family has had its fair share of cancer, especially on Linda's side who lost her father to multiple myeloma. Cancer really is everywhere. Do me, yourself, and your family a favor and make an appointment to see your family doctor or specialist today. Do not ignore that funny looking mole on your back, do not put off that annual mammogram, and guys, that 10 second visit with Dr. Finger may seem uncomfortable, but in the end (pardon the pun), you'll be a hero to those who love you.

A tale of 2 husbands

A quick trivia question:

Your wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Do you?

a) bang your videographer
b) offer a $1,000,000,000 bounty on a cure for breast cancer

Former presidential hopeful John Edwards decided that the best way to deal with all the emotions that come along with being a breast cancer husband is to have sex with the woman who was documenting his presidential aspirations. The fact that he is a politician probably means he threw away his ethics long ago, but that doesn't excuse his actions. It is one thing to be a maggot in your professional life and another to be a maggot in your personal one. As much as I revile John Edwards, I can 'understand' his behavior. Surviving breast cancer exerts an enormous pressure on all aspects of your life, including your relationship with you wife, your relationship with others and your relationship with yourself. Bonds that are strong become stronger and bonds that are weak break. In a time of crisis, John Edwards chose to remain loyal to himself and satisfy is own insecurities as opposed to remaining loyal to his family who undoubtedly needed him more than ever. Sadly, having great moral character is no longer a requirement for becoming President, but I suspect his potential nod for veep has been compromised. The 24 news cycle has brought forward numerous talking heads discussing how common marital infidelity is during a health crisis. This may explain it, but definitely does not excuse it.

Mike Dewey on the other hand, a local business man, chose a more productive means to deal with his breast cancer crisis. He started a nonprofit foundation, The Dewey Foundation, and specifically offered a one billion dollar reward for a cure for breast cancer. It is called the Victory Project. You may question his ability to raise/offer $1B, but you can't question his devotion to his wife and family. Did some of the same thoughts and insecurities run through his mind at some point? Does he love his wife and family more than John Edwards? Is he a better person than John Edwards? Likely, yes, and yes. Thank you Mike Dewey for being a 'good guy'.