Sunday, December 19, 2010

Merry Christmas

Yesterday, we enjoyed a perfect holiday Saturday.  We woke up late, searched out and found a gluten-free wing joint, went to the movies and saw Tangled, came home to hot chocolate by the fireplace and decorated the Christmas tree.

When I prayed to my God to help get us through the past 3 years, it was a day just like yesterday that I asked for.  I am ever grateful for the life that I enjoy and ever aware of how fragile it can be.

May the warmth of the season bless your home and you have the opportunity to spend it with those you love.



Merry Christmas,
John

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Third Time Is A Charm

In families with a long history of breast cancer, there commonly exists an inherited genetic mutation which increase a person's susceptibility to breast and ovarian cancers.  These are known as the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes.  From my layman's point of view, these genes are responsible for ensuring that there are no defects in a cell's DNA after that cell divides.  If there is, these genes commit cell suicide and thereby prevent it from replicating the damaged DNA further.  In people with defects in the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene, this tumor suppressive behavior is damaged and that allows for the unregulated growth of cells, which is how you would characterize cancer.

Not long after Linda was diagnosed with breast cancer, she was tested for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutations and it came back negative.  It was a huge relief not only for her but also for our daughter who would likely have inherited this trait also.  Had it come back positive, a bilateral mastectomy and complete hysterectomy, along with chemo and radiation, would have been the proper course of therapy to minimize her risk of recurrence.

In the absence of the BRCA defects, and the initial IIB staging, our course was neo-adjuvant chemo, a lumpectomy, more chemo and radiation w/ chemo.  However, when the cancer came back a second time in the summer of 2009, a full bilateral mastectomy was the right path to take.  At the time, due to the nature of the 2nd cancer, Linda's oncologist suggested that something "odd" was going on in Linda's body which was forming these tumors.  Although she was BRCA negative, there may be some other gene defect that science has yet to discover causing the cancer.  She suggested that Linda think about a hysterectomy to reduce her risk of ovarian cancer which is closely associated with BRCA+ breast cancers.

Never being one to shy away from a fight, Linda decided to have a hysterectomy in October of this year.  We were happy with our allotment of progeny and the baby factory had long since shut down after her first chemo so this decision was purely a prophylactic measure to remove the parts where this cancer could grow.

Two weeks after surgery, on Oct 16th, while enjoying our Saturday morning coffee in bed, we received a call from Linda's ob/gyn surgeon.  They found a 2mm cancer in her right ovary.  She said Linda must have someone looking out for her because by the time they usually find ovarian cancer, it is too late.  Her decision to have the hysterectomy may indeed be the best decision she's ever made (aside from her decision to mate with me of course).  Dr M. hooked us up with the city's top ob/gyn oncologist to discuss our next steps and set the appointment for early November.

We met with Dr. T yesterday.  The first thing we learned was that this cancer wasn't a metastasis of the breast cancer.  Over the intervening 3 weeks, the thought of a Stage IV breast cancer metastasis literally kept me up at night, so it was a relief to hear that.  The second thing we learned was that they almost never see ovarian cancers at this early stage.  It was so early in fact that they have had a hard time figuring out what kind of cancer cells these are.  The initial pathology has identified them as both "border-line" and "clear cell", which according to the oncologist doesn't make sense.  They are either/or, but rarely ever both.  He has sent the tissue to Baltimore for a second opinion.  From our 1 hour long meeting, we learned that "border-line" ovarian cancers are non-invasive whereas "clear cell" cancers are high-grade and aggressive.  He believes that the second pathology will come back as "border-line" but can't make a final diagnosis until he gets the results back in 2 weeks.  He also believes that even if it is "clear cell", we caught it early enough that it hadn't had a chance to, as he put it, "sprinkle its seeds around the abdomen like a dandelion".  In either case, he doesn't think chemo is in our future, unless it comes back as "clear cell" which may introduce that option.

So we sit here and wait to see what our future holds.  We have beat cancer twice before, and with Linda's courage and your thoughts and prayers, I have no doubt we will beat it again for a third time.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Thank You

After more than 2 years of writing about our life, I think the time has come to close the electronic cover of my blog.  In a world where a video of someone getting smacked in the nuts gets 3 million hits, my blog's 5,000 visitors seems tiny but it has made a huge difference for me.  Hopefully I have helped some people, made others laugh, and made others think.  It has been a great outlet for me and I've made some friends along the way and reacquainted with others.  Linda has just finished the final touches of her reconstruction and the results are incredible.  We have some preventative surgeries in our future but outside that, I am anxious to take what we have learned and move on to the next chapter of our lives.  We are not the same people we were on Dec 12 2007 and, for the most part, that is a good thing.  It took a while, but I found my God living in my heart where it had always been.  You won't read about my God in a book nor hear about my God on the TV and even if I tried, I couldn't explain my God to you.  It's all good :)

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for spending the last 2 years with me online and in my heart.

God Bless,
John

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Summer, uninterrupted

It was July 3rd last year when we learned that the cancer was back.  4 days shy of that anniversary, we learned today that Linda's semi annual scans all came back normal.  Hold on a sec...there is no such thing as "normal" when talking about recurrent breast cancer scans.  There is "super shitty" and "friggin awesome".

I do declare June 29th to be Friggin' Awesome Day!

Thanks for all your support.  You are friggin awesome!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Do the right thing

The drive-thru at McDonalds was too long this morning so I decided to pull in and order in the lobby.  On my way there, I found a $5 bill wrapped in a $20 in the parking lot.  I looked around, picked it up and slid it into my pocket.  Sweet!  As the guy in front of me started to order, he began searching his pockets for 'something'.  He told the cashier to wait and ran out to his car to get his wallet and returned to pay for his meal.  While we waited for our breakfasts, I asked him if he had lost something outside.  In a thick Eastern European accent he said 'I zink I lost twenty-fi dolla'. I reached into my cargo pocket, grabbed the fold of bills between my index and middle fingers and extended it out to him. 'Zank you wery much' he said.

Man that felt great!

So my question is...why the hell did I do that?  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did, but why?  Was it a completely selfish act knowing that it would 'feel better' to return the money than keep it?

Part of my left brain says it is a simple biological event engineered to release a cocktail of endorphins and dopamine that 'feels good'.  Over 4 billion years of fine-tuning, evolution has preferred variants/decisions that lead to the preservation of the species and it is that 'wiring' that makes us know what is the 'right' thing to do, because we are rewarded with 'feel good' drugs.  Caveman want food, caveman steal food, caveman beat on head with club for stealing food, end of line for caveman (and his potential offspring).  I think even Laplace's demon would have a hard time correlating 4 billion years of events with my McDonalds moment.

The other part of my left brain says this is environmental conditioning.  40+ years of personal interaction and societal influences (which themselves have been fine tuned over 10,000 years of civilization) yielded that moment in McDonalds.  The meaning of right at that particular moment was a personal one.  Someone else may believe the right thing to do is to keep the money.  Are right and wrong just shaped personal biases?  I hope R v. W is something bigger than that.

My right brain, which has been getting a lot of attention lately, is more confused than the left side but luckily doesn't require the same level of clarity than the left side does to operate properly, nor does it need to adhere to the scientific method, but I suppose that is why we have 2 halves (evolved or otherwise).  Good vs evil, right vs wrong, Nacho vs Cool Ranch.  Epic questions...none of which was answered in the LOST finale :)

It has taken me 40 years to find Hope, at least I think I found it.  Perhaps it will take another 40 years to find Faith and for me, I suspect right and wrong will play a big part of that.

Anyhow back to my McDonalds moment...as I'm driving out of the parking lot in my hail damaged 7 year old VW Jetta, I look in my rear-view to see the guy getting into his late model 7 series BMW.  I had to laugh :)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

It's All Relative

Linda: Daddy can install the light fixture when we get home.
Daughter: But Daddy cut his finger on the hedge trimmer.  He's laying down.
Linda: I just had my nipples sewn on and I was doing laundry the next day.  He can suck it up.

How can I argue with that?  I can never be sick again....*sigh*


Friday, April 16, 2010

Fallen Soldier

Linda just called to tell me we lost another Pink Ribbon Cowgirl today.  She was 29.

Linda seems fine, however I am hiding out in my office waiting for my eyes to dry.  This shit is fucked up.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

829 Days

It has been 829 days since Linda was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Since then, I have shared 829 sunrises with her and 829 sunsets.  We have tucked our kids in 829 times and told them we love them (at least) 829 times.  I am thankful for every day I get to spend with her.  I have stopped asking why and simply accept the gift that is given to us every morning.  Tomorrow will be 830 and I will treat the day with the reverence it deserves.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Wonder Drug: Not Just For Hangovers Anymore

Incredible news, and applicable to TNBC, which in previous studies wasn't proven.

...It affected both estrogen-positive tumors and those not fueled by the hormone...

Aspirin cuts death risk after breast cancer

Large study of nurses showed 50 percent lower risk cancer would spread

WASHINGTON - Breast cancer survivors who take aspirin regularly may be less likely to die or have their cancer return, U.S. researchers reported Tuesday.

The study of more than 4,000 nurses showed that those who took aspirin — usually to prevent heart disease — had a 50 percent lower risk of dying from breast cancer and a 50 percent lower risk that the cancer would spread.

"This is the first study to find that aspirin can significantly reduce the risk of cancer spread and death for women who have been treated for early stage breast cancer, " said Dr. Michelle Holmes of Harvard Medical School, who led the study published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology.

"If these findings are confirmed in other clinical trials, taking aspirin may become another simple, low-cost and relatively safe tool to help women with breast cancer live longer, healthier lives," Holmes added in a statement.

Holmes and her team studied 4,164 female registered nurses taking part in the Nurses' Health Study, an ongoing analysis of a wide range of health issues.

They started in 1976, looking at who took aspirin, watching for breast cancer and all causes of death until 2006.

Over this time, 341 of the nurses died of breast cancer.

Women who took aspirin two to five days a week had a 60 percent reduced risk of their cancer spreading and a 71 percent lower risk of breast cancer death. Six to seven aspirins a week lowered the risk of spread by 43 percent and the risk of breast cancer death by 64 percent.

Most of the women were taking low-dose aspirin to prevent heart attacks and stroke.

Ibuprofen and naproxen appear to lower risk too

Other drugs in the same class as aspirin also apparently lowered the risks, too. These drugs, called non-steroidal inflammatory drugs or NSAIDs, include ibuprofen and naproxen but not acetaminophen, also known as paracetamol.

But there was not enough data on these drugs to give a clear answer.

The researchers said they are not sure how aspirin and other NSAIDS may affect tumors but it could be by lowering inflammation. Other studies have shown that aspirin and ibuprofen can lower colon cancer risk, for instance.

"Aspirin has relatively benign adverse effects compared with cancer chemotherapeutic drugs and may also prevent colon cancer, cardiovascular disease, and stroke," the researchers wrote. It affected both estrogen-positive tumors and those not fueled by the hormone.

Holmes' team stressed that patients should not take aspirin while undergoing radiation or chemotherapy because of the risk of side effects.

And aspirin can cause stomach bleeding so it should not be taken without a doctor's supervision.


Friday, February 5, 2010

Nothing to report

All is going as planned, no complications at all.  Aside from some minor fix-up tweaks, the results are great.  We are eager to get going on a running/exercise plan once we are given the go ahead and Linda feels up to it.

This central Texas winter has been extraordinarily long and cold (by Texas standards) and we are anxiously waiting for spring/summer to arrive.  Life is good and it is full speed ahead :)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Null Process

If you've spent any time around a PC, at some point you've come across the Task Manager. The Task Manager tells you what processes are running on your computer.



You will probably also have noticed a process called the "System Idle Process" which seems to take up an inordinate amount of processing cycles.  The truth is, most modern computers and operating systems *have* to be doing something all the time.  When they have nothing to do, they do the "System Idle Process".

Your brain is pretty much the same.  I call it the 'null process'.  When you are not thinking or processing the task at hand, your brain reverts to the null process.  If you were to come by office at around 4:30 in the afternoon, and I'm staring at my desk with a line of spit running from my chin to the keyboard, that would be the null process in action. 

Everyone has different null processes and in all likelihood they have changed over time.  At age 12 my null process changed from thinking about cartoons, comics, and Star Wars to thinking about other things that occupy a young man's mind...




Actually from age 12 to 25, thinking of vaginas and related accessories (butts, boobs, etc) was pretty much a foreground process the whole time.  At 25, I married my favorite vagi...errr...Linda and the null processes started to lean towards family and career.  How do we get ahead?  Is this the right move?  Should we have kids?  Should we have more kids?  How do we make more money?  Getting started is pretty tough, so the majority of the early years were directed toward my career.



Then, around 35, after establishing myself in my career, I started to realize that we were not only supposed to raise kids, we were supposed to raise 'good' kids.  That required a shift in priorities and my null processes started to flip-flop




and, I think you know where this is going.  On Decemeber 13, 2007,  my process table changed forever



and that's how it stayed for all of 2008. When all you do 24x7 is think about cancer, your mind tends to take you to some pretty dark places.  What's worse, at least in my case, is there was no outlet.  As the caregiver, I couldn't very well burden the caregivee with what I was dealing with.  That's when I started writing about it.  Sure I was still thinking about it *all* the time, but instead of letting my null process take me to those places where my fears and insecurities live,  I instead focused on telling our story and hopefully injecting some much needed humor along the way.

I think 2009 was our way of coping with 2008.  Our stated goal for 2009 was to have as much fun as possible and to make up for 2008.  We surely did, and I have the scars to prove it!  Subconsciously, or maybe consciously, I believe the unstated goal was to keep the null process at bay.  If you are busy doing other stuff, the null process never gets a chance to run.  When the cancer came back in July, we really overclocked ourselves, far beyond the manufacturer's (and definitely the credit card company's) recommended settings.  It really was all cancer, all fun, all the time.




and then, just this past weekend, an interesting thing happened.



It wasn't a huge event, but enough so that I noticed.  I think that is a pretty healthy sign.

My stated goal for 2010 is to devote some active and null processes to my career, which has definitely been a background process for the past 2 years.  Thankfully, I have had more support from my company than anyone could ask for.  2010 calls for a healthy mix of family, fun and career, and who knows, if I play my cards right...





Friday, January 15, 2010

Breast Reconstruction with Implants

I found this video on Youtube which is similar to Linda's phase II procedure

Post-op update

The procedure was a complete success.  The operation was about 1.5 hours long and after 24 hours, Linda is already off her pain meds and puttering around the house.  Incredible!



Thanks for all the words of encouragement.  As you can see in this pre-op photo from yesterday, with her great attitude, it is easy for me to support her in this journey.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Boobaliscious

Tomorrow is a big day.

Surgically speaking, compared to the mastectomy, this will be a walk in the park.  It is an outpatient procedure and Linda will be home tomorrow evening.  Recovery is measured in days, as opposed to weeks.

Psychologically speaking, tomorrow is a pretty big milestone and a very important part of Linda's healing, and mine too.  Of course she knows I'd love her if she had no boobs or 3 boobs, but having the twins back (even if they are adopted) is a big deal.

Wish us luck!

(I hope this goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyways.  Linda and I tackle most things in life with a smile and a sense of humor.  It helps accentuate the highs and take the edge off the lows.  I can't imagine doing it any other way.  Please don't interpret my sometimes off-color posts as anything less than complete respect for those women and families that have walked in our shoes)