Friday, August 29, 2008

Why are manhole covers round?

I have been blessed and cursed by an analytical mind. The way I see it, there is a solution to every problem and an explanation to every mystery. We may not see it (yet) but the answer is there. As long as I can remember, my mind has churned at solving real problems as well as trivial pursuits.

The simple task of walking from my home office upstairs to the kitchen downstairs to get something to eat typically involves several billion calculations. First, wait for a time when my computer is busy doing something, don't want to waste spare cycles. Wait a sec, my daughter's field trip authorization form is right here too, but I don't have a pen. Should take the paper with me to sign or should I bring a pen back from the kitchen. Hmmm...where is her backpack? She'll need this form in the morning...I think it is near the front door...what makes the most sense and where should I sign it to be the most efficient. I need a beer too. Import or domestic? That dictates whether it will have a twist off cap or not, which means I may need to think about a bottle opener. Oh I think I left that in the garage last time I was working on a game. Crap, that is way out the way...does my daughter's backpack have a bottle opener on it? That'd be great. I know they make Reef sandals with a bottle opener on the bottom. What a great invention. I wonder if they have a patent on that? Let's Google that, but before I do, let's see why imported beers don't have twist off tops. Is that a law, federal or state? Wonder who invented the twist off top? Remember pull tabs? Those were replaced with the pop-tops we have today. I wonder if you really can buy a wheelchair by collecting a garbage bag of aluminum pop-tops? Let's go hit Snopes.com and find out. Look at that, turns out Thomas Crapper did not invent the flush toilet after all. Funny, in London, manhole covers have the name CRAPPER right on them. How ironic. I wonder why manhole covers are round? Turns out that is the only shape that makes it impossible for the cover to fall down the hole. That's pretty cool. See, there is an answer to everything. Much to Linda's chagrin, my mind never seems to figure out how to incorporate "there is a basket full of laundry here at the bottom of the stairs, maybe I should take it upstairs" into my equations. There may not be an answer for that one...LOL.

If you have a brain wired like mine, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you don't, then you likely think I'm a bit crazy, and I'm not sure I can disagree. With that as the backdrop, I have been thinking a lot about cancer and 'why?'. Not 'why me?' or 'why us?' but 'why cancer?'. What role does cancer play in the big picture? I can't seem to wrap my head around it.

I can understand a virus. It is contagious, it moves from person to person, typically having a delayed onset of symptoms so that the current host is at least healthy long enough to spread the virus to the next host. I'm sure over that last billion years there have been virus variations that killed their host on contact. Guess what? Host 1 doesn't live long enough to spread to Host 2 and the virus doesn't get to spread its DNA (nature's prime directive). End of the line for that virus' lineage. Natural selection over millions of years makes sense. I can get my head around that.

So what about cancer? It is not a 'modern' disease. Although I'm sure pollutants and man-made environmental factors have increased the incidence of cancer and other disease, they are not the sole cause. Cancer predates man. It has been around for at least 100,000,000 years, as evidenced by recently discovered dinosaur fossils showing signs of cancerous bone tumors. I suspect it was around long before dinosaurs too. Unlike a virus or bacteria, cancer is not a foreign invader, it is home grown. It is our own cells and DNA gone awry. The Human Genome Project has mapped out our DNA and cancer researchers can point to certain genes and say, 'in some cases, this gene X suppresses cell activity Y but in cancer cells, this gene is defective and that, in combination with this protein over-expression Z yields a 34.7% chance of XYZ. That's very cool, but still doesn't explain the 'why'? Is it possible that cancer, like other genetic mutations, is simply part of natural selection and the evolutionary process? Some genetic mutations yield eyes on the front of the head for predators and eyes on the side of the head for prey, and natural selection dictates which traits go on to survive. That makes sense. Are those same genetic mutations responsible for cancer? Well, they've been there in some form for a long time so I have to assume they have some purpose. But what? I guess when we figure out the 'how' and 'why' we will have a cure. There is an answer and there is a cure, we just need to find it.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

A Great Day


6 infusions of TAC .......... $48,000
12 infusions of EP .......... $96,000
days since first infusion.... 240
ringing the bell ............ priceless

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Cancer, cancer everywhere

Okay, I'll admit I'm a bit obsessive/compulsive. Not the 'all shoes in the hall closet must be straight and parallel, separated by no more 2 inches but no less than 1.5' kind of OCD, but more of an intense focus. My obsessions ... errr ... interests have ranged from harmless to productive and most who know me know I usually have a 'hobby' going on. I've busied myself in the garage for the past 6 years (off and on) restoring old video games & pinball machines. Before that, I did geocaching for a couple years, and before that, photography for a year or two. Of course, Linda and the kids have BEEN my life for the past 15 years. My company and my passion for software has also received a good deal of my mind's focus. Although Linda would surely disagree, maybe I'm not all that obsessive/compulsive after all. Up until our diagnosis, it had been a healthy blend of family, professional growth, and solitary hobbies. (Don't get me started on email and Facebook)

Now, my life is consumed by cancer. Everywhere I look, cancer. Every time I think, cancer. I have a hard time remembering what life was like before our diagnosis 9 months ago. I'm sure I was happy about something, angry at someone, sad about something but these days it is all about cancer. I am happy Linda's chemo will be done on Thursday. I am pissed off that cancer stole the summer of 2008 from our kids, I am scared shitless about Linda's PET scan in 3 weeks, and I am sad because...well I am just sad. There are small moments in the day when I don't think about it, for maybe 5 minutes, but invariably the cancer creeps back into my thoughts. Even the exhilaration of plummeting 3-4 storeys down a water slide at Schlitterbahn is tainted by the fact that Linda couldn't come with us because she is extremely sensitive to sun during chemo. That's is OUR park and OUR tradition and the fucking cancer took that away from us. I haven't spent any time this summer in the garage tinkering with pins and my ability to concentrate at work has been haphazard at best. I try my best to keep the big 'what if' thoughts out of my head, but on bad days, they eat me from the inside. I'm sure a psychologist would say these are normal reactions and blah blah blah blah, and I'm sure they are, but that doesn't make them any easier to deal with. True to my OCD tendencies, my life has become cancer.

You know when you buy a new car and as you're driving home from the dealership, all of a sudden, it seems EVERYONE has the same car. It's kinda like that with cancer. It seems every week I learn of someone else whose fighting cancer. My best-man's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer weeks after our diagnosis. A dear friend, who I have a great deal of respect and affection for, was diagnosed with cancer a couple weeks ago. A blog friend's sister was diagnosed with breast cancer last month, and just this morning, a friend from high school related to me that a member of his extended family was diagnosed with breast cancer. It is a club that turns out to be not very exclusive at all. My immediate and extended family has had its fair share of cancer, especially on Linda's side who lost her father to multiple myeloma. Cancer really is everywhere. Do me, yourself, and your family a favor and make an appointment to see your family doctor or specialist today. Do not ignore that funny looking mole on your back, do not put off that annual mammogram, and guys, that 10 second visit with Dr. Finger may seem uncomfortable, but in the end (pardon the pun), you'll be a hero to those who love you.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

A tale of 2 husbands

A quick trivia question:

Your wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Do you?

a) bang your videographer
b) offer a $1,000,000,000 bounty on a cure for breast cancer

Former presidential hopeful John Edwards decided that the best way to deal with all the emotions that come along with being a breast cancer husband is to have sex with the woman who was documenting his presidential aspirations. The fact that he is a politician probably means he threw away his ethics long ago, but that doesn't excuse his actions. It is one thing to be a maggot in your professional life and another to be a maggot in your personal one. As much as I revile John Edwards, I can 'understand' his behavior. Surviving breast cancer exerts an enormous pressure on all aspects of your life, including your relationship with you wife, your relationship with others and your relationship with yourself. Bonds that are strong become stronger and bonds that are weak break. In a time of crisis, John Edwards chose to remain loyal to himself and satisfy is own insecurities as opposed to remaining loyal to his family who undoubtedly needed him more than ever. Sadly, having great moral character is no longer a requirement for becoming President, but I suspect his potential nod for veep has been compromised. The 24 news cycle has brought forward numerous talking heads discussing how common marital infidelity is during a health crisis. This may explain it, but definitely does not excuse it.

Mike Dewey on the other hand, a local business man, chose a more productive means to deal with his breast cancer crisis. He started a nonprofit foundation, The Dewey Foundation, and specifically offered a one billion dollar reward for a cure for breast cancer. It is called the Victory Project. You may question his ability to raise/offer $1B, but you can't question his devotion to his wife and family. Did some of the same thoughts and insecurities run through his mind at some point? Does he love his wife and family more than John Edwards? Is he a better person than John Edwards? Likely, yes, and yes. Thank you Mike Dewey for being a 'good guy'.